December 18, 2015 (Top of Page)
Another chilly day gives way to a seasonal early night. Colored lights pierce the darkness; they sparkle down the sidewalks. Some blink over the door where you get a drink. You duck in to find your friends warming up at the bar; they arrived just before you. There's a festive feel and lots to talk about as the
bartender stirs the Jewel Cocktail. The first taste inspires the chorus, "Ooh, this is good!" It's like holiday hard candy, solid and sweet, on a foundation of gin and red vermouth. The citrus bitters combine with the green Chartreuse to make liquor magic. It's like drinking a boozy Christmas present wrapped in glossy paper. Thank you! Somebody suggests the spacey Jupiter Cocktail should come next. It looks like the discarded Scotch tape refuse that didn't make it onto the gift box. Close your eyes and sip: it's enjoyable violet petals over gin herbals, but it packs a no-nonsense punch. It'll get you going good until you're gone. After you get home, you'll fall face-first on your bed and sleep like you're dead. Then again, you need the sleep; this hectic holiday week is only getting started.
Bartender Dan
P.S. We're closed for Christmas next week, see you on New Year's Day!
December 11, 2015 (Top of Page) 
Six years ago today, the Biggest Boozer bellied up on her birthday and here we are again. What luck! Celebrating a birthday on Drink Night makes things extra special. Friends from far and wide came to the bar to attend, sitting on their hind ends, raising toasts to the best bar owner in the land. The Boozer soaked
up all the praise. Boy, was it obnoxious. The Apricot Lady enabled the initial toasts in fine flavor: soft, but rough; fruity, but boozy; frothy, but flowing smoothly. This lady is a tramp; a short glass of icy goodness. The celebration was full of chuckles and belly laughs due to heavy doses of raillery. The good booze helped things too. The real surprise was the closer, the Brandy Gump. It was simple and tastefully hard. The brandy was rich, the lemon spiked, and the Grenadine sweetened. It was easy to drink for something packing so much power. The Biggest Boozer handled it with signature aplomb. It was one heck of a time tonight ... what a party!
Hey, Frank's 100th birthday is tomorrow. Another great!
Bartender Dan
December 4, 2015 (Top of Page)
The boozers are back and they don't choose to lose, they're always going for the win. They don't seek defeat! Why would anyone want to do that? They say, "Set'em up, Joe! Give me something to write home about." No need to shout as the bartender squeezes fresh lemon and mandarins for an extra special orange flair. The Yellow Boxer shakes and pours. It's exactly what they came for: a beaut of a cocktail. The tequila bonds with the citrus trinity, becoming one but leaving an agave anchor. The sweetened lime juice adds a syrupy feel and the Galliano smoothes it some more, painting an herbal-vanilla goodness. The drink has good body and complex fruity appeal. It's a great cocktail, a real winner. The boozers take a break for conversation and then hunt down a Brown Fox to accentuate their cordial scene. The barkeep builds it over ice in the glass. It's not as much of a gear shift as you'd think. The liqueur sweetens the bourbon and makes it slippery. It's a smooth, satisfying sipper and goes well with either sweet or savory accompaniment. Oh, so nice.
It's good to be back. Here's to you, champ!
Bartender Dan
November 20, 2015 (Top of Page) 
Oh, for everything to work out just fine! Instead the world goes amiss and its problems persist, then you find yourself wishing you could go back in time. It can't be done. You've got to soldier on, but you could take a break and have a drink that helps you travel back in your mind. Sidle up to the bar and order a Homestead Cocktail. It tastes nature made. There's an initial earthy sweetness that's soon followed by juniper and pine. The scent of the orange keeps things fresh and it's perfect for steeping. This cocktail is like a fall walk through the woods, maybe to your grandma's house. If you cross the Muddy River, you'll be glad you did. It's comfortable like family, built in the glass over ice and stirred to mix. The taste is pleasant, soft and satisfying and goes down fast. It's like a dream, it's coffee cream. Drinks like these get you thinking about turkey and fixings, family and friends. You could go over the river and around the bend, then through the woods back to the old home where it all made sense. Do you know what you'll find out there? The world didn't end.
Bartender Dan
P.S. We'll be back open for boozing in two weeks. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
November 13, 2015 (Top of Page)
There's a customer at the bar, eyes melancholy, but fixed, thinking hard. Jazz notes on the piano juxtapose, the player knows the territory. The bar is dimly lit; there are only silhouettes in this scene. A Brandied Madeira is placed on the coaster. The customer nods and lifts it up. It has great color and a lemon oil spritz freshly expressed from an oval twist. Its heavy brandy is lightened by fortified wines with harvest flavors. The cocktail flows easily and doesn't burn or convey too much sweetness. It can be held on the tongue a long time to discern the makeup. The customer drinks with an intent stare, wondering how to prepare for what may be coming down the road. The jazz flows and the bartender knows when it's time for another drink. The Pipeline brightens the scene. It's a wake-up punch that's well-balanced between sweetness, tartness, and absolute spunk. It's a great light rum sour, crisp with a solid finish. The customer is rejuvenated. The bar is ready to close. Time passed and worries were addressed in the dark, drinking alone. Now it's time to go home.
Bartender Dan
November 6, 2015 (Top of Page)
Workmanlike, that's how the week went. Even when you fell on your face, it was time well spent. Win some, lose some, but you still advanced the ball. There's nothing to be ashamed of at all. Now it's time to book the week; time to raise a toast to dedicated perseverance. The Union League Club is a beauty, nice and fruity with a classy sizzling heat. Cheers! The orange twist is zesty and goes deep to compliment the liquid bitters top to bottom. You can coast easily with this cocktail, feeling good, knowing you're on the right track. Also, it makes you realize the night is young, so you transition to the Canadian Apple in due time. This one's a closer with sharp elbows. The whisky blend is beefy and the apple brandy really cuts through; the mix is sweet enough to avoid causing any serious offense. A pinch of cinnamon in the shaker imparts a bit of apple pie, but this drink is more about power than dessert. The sharpness tones down over time as the rocks melt, but it's still a bruiser. There's no problem: you just pop a few bar peanuts and drink away. Good booze is what you came here for and it's never a chore. Salute!
Bartender Dan
October 30, 2015 (Top of Page)
You're sitting at the bar, just in from the dark, on the eve of All Hallows' Eve, the dreaded Halloween. You know it was originally about the harvest, so why not reap a couple of drinks? The bartender says they're running a theme, so don't worry, and maniacally stirs you up a Devil's Cocktail. You grasp it and prepare for the worst, but the taste is easy and smooth. There's nothing evil about it. The rich raisin taste of the ruby port comes through clearly, but it's not heavy or too sweet due to the dryness of the vermouth. A double dash of lemon helps too. It figures Lucifer's cocktail would be a treat; any blasts of heat or suffering would be reserved for his captive clientele. The bar's ghoulish theme continues with the Nightmare. Its pumpkin color conveys the right feel, lightening the mood. It's airier than the first cocktail and presents a layered taste experience. Cherry notes come first, then the fruit from the Madeira mixed with the gin's herbals, followed by an orange trailer accentuated with a tingly heat. It's like there's a tiny candle burning from inside the glass. Tasty! No grim reaping tonight. There were no tricks, just treats.
Bartender Dan
October 23, 2015 (Top of Page)
Maybe it's a biorhythm problem: you've been dragging and fumbling, griping and grumbling for days; thankfully the week's finally come to an end. You'll get a fresh start on Monday, but right now you just need some booze. You feel like a Grumpy Old Man. Your bartender builds it in the glass while you sit on your ... hey, here comes some of your friends! Things are looking up. You buy everybody a round of your bourbon and sour sedater. The tasteful top-up sets the whiskey power just right so it can let you know who's boss without getting snarly. The lime incorporates with the bonded booze, forming something you deeply approve, and the ginger sparkles through. It's simple and tasty-good. You and your buds move on to the Obituary and heed the warning: your time is ticking down. Maybe you'll go out in a blaze of glory with this one. It's hard and uncompromising, but there's a lot to appreciate if it's built on a gin with lots of character. The absinthe is slight, but that storied stuff is still up front. The vermouth imparts a little dryness, but it's mostly in your head. You carefully drink it down and one thing's for sure: you're not dead yet. You'll still be alive next week, chasing the prize again.
Bartender Dan
October 16, 2015 (Top of Page)
Nobody trudges into this bar, they skip and jump. They come here looking for great cocktails, good fellowship, and comfortable seats to plop their rumps. Tonight's opener was the Granville. It's a sharp gin cocktail, but the apple from the Calvados and orange from the Grand Marnier slices through, painting vivid highlights over the perceived pain. It's a clean and dapper killer for the experienced boozer, that's for sure. Did anyone mention the bar provides great appetizers too? The Scotch Eggs were a bona fide hit: breaded sausage-packed hard-boiled eggs drizzled with mustard vinaigrette over greens; there isn't much better. When you can pair a mean, mature cocktail with a bold and savory appetizer, you're winning right out of the gate. The night eventually settled down and the Peppermint Patty delivered the milky tuck-in. Minty and almost too sweet, it's an icy comfort with slow motion knockout power. A few sips in and you're thinking of home and a soft pillow. You'll be pulling the blanket up tight, because it's a cold night, but it sure is warm here in the bar. Everybody loves this place!
Bartender Dan
October 9, 2015 (Top of Page)
The last heat wave comes sweeping in and it sure is welcome. Too bad it has to end: that cold fall weather can't be held back forever. Just about everybody's in long sleeves at the bar, they've already given in. The bartender stirs up a Lone Tree Cocktail. It's herbal gin, courtesy of the vermouth, in an old style sweet martini ratio. The bitters give it a classy orange sting. It tastes like a fine grain harvest and heightens your senses. It's cold and excellent. Since the last hot day of the year is done, you start thinking about the colder days to come. Your mind wanders to the absurd. The bartender shakes your next drink and the sound of the ice makes you think: you might have to fight off a woolly mammoth in freezing weather or maybe even a mastodon; it's a perilous journey! You take a slug off your fresh Apricot Sour, hoping to keep yourself together. It's absolutely tasty. The apricot brandy is soured and sweetened, then shaken to perfection. After the fine addition of a sunny slice of lemon, it's nothing but good times. Though the seasons change, the service in this bar remains the same: world class. You can count on that.
Bartender Dan
October 2, 2015 (Top of Page)
The nightclub scene, there's something about it. And now you're back, drinking again and running with the pack, haunting the usual hangout. You're soaking up the action; you can't live without it. You've got a Club in your hand and it's rock solid. The cocktail sure feels good: smooth scotch bristling with bitters covered by a sweet shadow of pomegranate to keep it clean, a little less mean. You can handle it. You're ensconced in the nightlife again and dealing out the fellowship with friends, eating cheese and crackers. A maraschino cherry waits at the bottom of the glass; it doesn't get much better. The night rolls on and the St. Augustine is your closer. Not nearly as strong, it occupies a friendly glass rimmed with sugar. It has a southeastern coastal flavor, but it's rather confusing. The fresh juice has a rind component that combines with the rum and tastes a bit medicinal. The sugar rim reigns it in, but after another sip, the analysis begins again. Before you can figure out what's going on, the drink is gone. That's how it's supposed to be and now you're a little numb. It sure was refreshing. It's great to be back in the saddle again.
Bartender Dan
September 18, 2015 (Top of Page) 
The regulars hit the bar rather early, straight from a restaurant meal. They sat around taking it easy, shootin' the breeze, waiting for a fancy drink to appear. The Lemon Martini came to the fore; the tasty taste had them wanting more. There was nothing not to like. It was a lemon drop delight: sweet, but just enough, bright, but not sharp, laced with an orange tang. Goodly stuff! The wonderful experience led to an icy Bourbon Peach Smash. It was quite the chore to build. The fresh fruit slices went into the shaker, followed by the mint and sugar, then the bartender muddled it all into a flavorful mush. The bourbon and ice were added, then incorporated by a vigorous shake. It poured laboriously through the strainer into an ice-filled glass, leaving the mash. Boy, was it tasty! It had a lightly dense texture, not too thick. The peachy lemon flavor was clearly there, accentuated with bourbon flair and sweetened with a mint brightener. Cocktails sure do have an appeal, especially after a meal.
Bartender Dan
P.S. We're closed next week, but we'll be back in the fall, drinking again.
September 11, 2015 (Top of Page)
To set the world right, you'll have to fight. You can't win all the time, but the key is to just keep trying. Never give up. Demand excellence. Don't be on the fence from whence your cocktails come either. When you find a place where they know how to make a great Bonnie Prince, you'll feel like royalty. It's a cool collection of sophisticated flavors tuned fairly to perfection. Hard gin keeps it dry and heightened. The white wine selection delivers all the subtle elements: the scent of ripe pear and honeysuckle alongside bright grapefruit, all crisply textured. The Drambuie dapples it with honeyed sweetness and body that goes great with the orange twist. Drink it in highfalutin style, because it's spectacular. The Mint Sunrise? It'll finish you off. A highball glass is filled with plenty of ice, then the liquors pour straight in and get stirred. After adding the garnish, you're on your own. It's a mint-in-the-nose dynamo.
The scotch is calming and the brandy and Cointreau are sweet. The dilution is the key. Give the lemon a squeeze and set that sun into the glass. Now you're coasting, sipping the night away. It's a solid knockout punch. You don't need to worry, though; a fighter like you will rise and shine tomorrow.
Bartender Dan
September 4, 2015 (Top of Page)
A gaggle of boozers clustered, happily receiving their newly minted cocktails. The joint's phone rang into a quick "Ralph's Bar!" answer. The bartender hung up and shrugged, "Wrong number." Too bad. It was sad that whoever was calling didn't know they actually had the number for good times. The Calypso, freshly out of the shaker, was impressing the clientele. Its Caribbean influences all harmonized into one, producing an almost grapefruit flavor, but not as sharp. On the contrary, the feel was pillow-soft. Its foamy top had a great nose due to the nutmeg. The rum was smooth and solid, but subdued, and the bitters and spicy liqueur really brought the specialness. It was impressive, very fun and festive, quite the concoction. The Gin Buck rolled up next and its ginger and gin was a winner. It had a minor lemon bite, but the bubbles and ice made the mix flow just right, sharp and refreshing. It was built in the glass over ice and more than good enough for coasting into the end of the night. Good times!
Say, what's the phone number for Ralph's again?
Bartender Dan
August 28, 2015 (Top of Page)
The veteran drinker cuts through the scene, past the barflies and lightweights with vodka-shot dreams. The bartender senses the presence; it's the right time and place to look for the ace. Lights are low; the seat is taken; the horns in the big band blow sophisticated and slow. Bottles are out: the Modern Cocktail is what it's all about. It shakes and pours, rough and tough, with a cherry to feign happiness, but it's not enough. It's blended scotch spiced up, but still almost straight up. The rum acts dumb, it probably succumbed to the smoke, but the Pernod drops a pretty heavy hint. The orange bitters and lemon try to turn smokiness to fruit, but the whisky is the show. There's no fooling around here and the tough boozer knows it. Case closed. The venerable Old Fashioned starts a conversation as the vet requests the stripped down version. It's glass-built sweetened whisky. The sugar cube goes in first, gets doused with bitters, then it's muddled into a splash of water. The whisky pours next, followed by a stir and ice cubes topped with a healthy orange twist. This classic is only as good as the whisky you choose. Tonight it was smooth, fantastic. Some people really know how to drink.
Bartender Dan
August 21, 2015 (Top of Page) 
When things are flowing nice and smooth, you don't even have to make move, you just roll with it. When the going gets rocky, well, you just remember the good times ... while perched at the watering hole. Starting out with a Florida Skies could put your grief behind. They line the glass with cucumber slices and fill it with rocks, then shake the flavors up hard and strain it out. The club soda top-up threatens an overflow, leaving about an inch of froth, but it pops back quickly. The taste is cool, dry, and refreshing like a garden stroll. When the level drops and the cucumber slices are exposed, you get a fresh produce whiff that's wonderful. What a drink! You feel like you've hit a winning streak, but you'll need another cocktail to keep the good times rolling. The Pink Camellia comes to your aid. It's an excellent mix of fresh juices and bold liquors. The result turns out friendly and fruity with a soft texture. The bitters move the taste towards grapefruit, but then the apricot and orange elements tug it back towards tame with a lemon drop finish. The bit of egg produces a nice frosting after a vigorous shaking. This cocktail is a subtle gem that you wouldn't mind introducing to future friends. It's a joy ... thing's are looking up!
Bartender Dan
August 14, 2015 (Top of Page)
Back to work! You spent the week back down in the proverbial dirt, separating the wheat from the chaff. Somebody had to do it. You made things right and it took you into Friday night. Now the only lifting left to do involves a bit of well-deserved drinking. You can handle that, no sweat. Your Farmer's Cocktail pours thick, looking intensely rich. The taste is earthy and pepper-spicy and also sweet. The Old Tom's malted barley grounds it nicely. You can really put your shoulder into this cocktail and drink it proudly. It's complex, but also simple to understand: it's a hearty job well done. You're thinking you should have another one, but the Huntsman Cocktail hits you instead. It's tart and a real wakeup call. The free-flowing vodka thins the deep dark rum and makes it lighten up. The bar sugar barely tames the lime. The drink is like a light in the night and compliments any meaty hors d'oeuvre. The bar had mini meatballs with barbecue sauce ... quite the pleasure. You finish up and start thinking a high-quality rye whisky shot would really hit the spot. It's time to get back to work, bartender!
Bartender Dan
July 31, 2015 (Top of Page)
There's a blue moon in the sky before the stars start twinkling the night. It catches your eye. Inside the bar it's dark, but over the stage there's a blue light. Mel Tormé is singing his signature song flawlessly right. Drinkers are everywhere, carousing. Now you're at the bar, standing alone, without a drink in your hand. You need something to hold, so the bartender mixes a Walters for your pleasure. You expect it to be rough, but it falls in line as you carefully sip. The scotch talks, then the fresh orange juice mellows, then bright lemon arrives to up the ante. The flavors roll over and over into a solid blur. When you're finished, something suddenly appears before you, the Whiskey Sangaree. It was built in the glass: sugar and a water splash for dilution, then whiskey and a stir, then some ice and sparkling water for bubbles, followed by a tablespoon of diffusing port on the top and a sprinkling of festive spices. It tastes wonderful, like a whiskey pop, sweet and bubbly and happy. You've found a love of your own tonight. You feel like you never want to go home!
Bartender Dan
P.S. We're off next week to let our 600th unique cocktail settle in. Woo-hoo!
July 24, 2015 (Top of Page) 
The boozers tumbled into the bar like they were falling through a hatch, down to the lower decks of the good ship Booze-A-Lot. No more baking in the sun as the chores were now done: the swabbing of dreck from the deck of the world as it runs. Now it was time to celebrate. The group toasted their mateyness with a Jolly Roger. It was easy on the gullet with deep, rich rum and soft roaming vanilla and anise courtesy of the Galliano. The orange juice couldn't be more friendly and the apricot brandy thickened its flavor. The cocktail was mellow and smooth, easy and breezy, like the wind in your face after a flawless tack: satisfying. The Avondale Habit was a chore to make. Berries, mint leaves, and sugar syrup were muddled in the bottom of the glass. Some ice came next, then the brandy and pepper to taste, followed by a stir. Extra ice was added, then drizzled with the mint hooch for a topper. The taste was strawberry-thin with layers of booze prior to settling in. Mint followed by strong brandy took the interest with little pepper poppers in the swim. It was strangely interesting and complex, but for all the work, probably not worth it, not if you care for your bartender. Hey, everybody could use some easy sailing.
Bartender Dan
July 17, 2015 (Top of Page)
It's a cool Friday night. You had a nice dinner. Now you head to the bar where every cocktail's a winner. Things can only get better and better. You belly up on the receiving end of a Cooperstown Cocktail, garnished with a sprig of mint fresh from the garden. It's beautifully balanced and slightly sweet as the red vermouth flavors it with a light hue. On a clear palate it's sophisticated and smooth, but eat some cheese and crackers and the gin brings out a pretty nasty burn. Clear your palate and you're back to enjoying the wafted mint wonderment of it all. Stirred to mix, this one's a home run, worthy of merit. You cap the night with the Strega Sour, the equivalent of a hard sherbet. It's a fresh and lemony easy sour with built-in liqueur sweetness. The aroma on the top is like fresh cloves too. The gin blends in and enhances the lively taste complexities to fine effect, making everything light and lively. This cocktail is just pure tingly-cool enjoyment. It should be in the Cocktail Hall of Fame. An excellent dose to make the most of a wonderful day!
Bartender Dan
July 10, 2015 (Top of Page)
You glide into the bar with situational awareness. You know where your spot is and everybody else does too. The first drink of the night: Shark's Tooth. When you take the first hit, it's sharp and efficient. A relentless attack of lemon and lime is backed by the thudding powerful punch of flammable rum. This drink is for the apex boozer. It's cold and calculating. If you don't tackle it with a keen awareness of its power, you'll suffer the stumbling consequences. There are civilized drinks and then there are predator drinks; this one would attack novice boozers like a school of fish. Of course, you're not worried, you don't swim there. After absorbing the potency and not getting tanked, you settle for a comfortable cocktail, the breezy Trade Winds. It's very pleasing, floating a boatload of Caribbean flavors on top of warm rum and plum brandy. The Falernum from Barbados is the star, sprinkling almond and spicy ginger to good tropical effect. The lime is fine on the voyage, so no scurvy. The ballast the cocktail provides might not keep you stabilized, quite the opposite: there's some power in there. Pray it blows you into a safe harbor where you can sleep it off when the sun goes down. Red sky at night, sailor's delight!
Bartender Dan
July 3, 2015 (Top of Page)
The whole week was like being on a revolving spit, roasting over the dry burn of hot coals; the heat wave just wouldn't quit. At least Ralph's Bar was open to provide a respite. The American Beauty was on the menu to honor the 4th of July, so the opener was an easy choice. The boozers watched the bartender get cross trying to float the port on the presentation. It all sank! Talk about a misleading cocktail recipe. At least there was still a dividing line, kind of a reverse float. The initial play was mellow and fruity with the orange juice coming to the fore riding on smooth brandy. When the sunken port hit the edge of the glass, a richness of deep flavors burst forth. It was like a bountiful harvest of berries and fruits; that was the beauty part. This was the kind of cocktail you'd expect from a land of plenty. The Pink Treasure followed up in a rocks glass, built over the ice, made to be cool. The bitter lemon addition was minimal, just enough to give things a lift. The drink was watery and cold like a good quencher. The cherry brandy charged to the front, pushed there by the rum, and you could stir it to your want. Everybody loved it; that was the goal: smiles all around. Happy 4th, my friends!
Bartender Dan
June 26, 2015 (Top of Page)
The heat was hot and it wasn't going to stop. The boozers were melting out on the sidewalk as the mercury edged past 100 degrees in the solid shade. It was only Day One of a hot spell that was going to last, at least according to the local forecast. No better time to duck into the bar and get some relief! Time to find a cool seat, order an ice-cold cocktail, and kick-start a little good fellowship. The Brandy Melba cooled the boozers like a sun shower, bringing a rainbow of flavors. It was light, despite all the brandy. The lemon juice was the binder, keeping the liquors from burning while imparting a slight sour to compliment the bitters. It was buttery brandy and sweet peach with a mellowed raspberry hue, clean through and through. The yellow peach slice added a nice flair to the mix, too. Fine stuff! The Woo-Woo arrived next and put the newly giddy boozers on ice. It was a cold sleeper: the cranberry juice doubling the liquor hid the boozy punch. The potent peachy schnapps presented itself as an innocent babe. The vodka would've been invisible, but the barkeep used frozen citron to spike the flavor. Cranberry coolness. As the boozers headed out the door, they said they'd be back next Friday for more. Okay!
Bartender Dan
June 19, 2015 (Top of Page)
Spectators show up, but they only spectate. Winners compete. That's where you come in: you enter the fray; you make the bold play. Everyone knows you can't win if you're not in, and you're all in, pal. To the victor go the spoils and that's how the week boiled down. Now you're at the bar, cool as ice, counting your chips, enjoying a Gin And Tonic. Nothing says success like clean gin and quinine, filtered through broken ice, with a lime wedge squeezed to within an inch of its life. There's no match for this classic thirst quencher, built in the glass, so easy, suave and sophisticated. This drink is all relaxation and satisfaction. Man, it's good to be you! Not that you needed a rescue, but the Fireman's Sour came to your aid, rounding out the final hour of the night. If there's an emergency, this one's got the fix. It's an excellent sour mix with the lime near the tartness maximum without overpowering the rest of the crew: light rum, sugar, and calming grenadine. It's fruity in a soft way, but still conveys brightness, powered by a solid liquor engine. It'll douse a flame and calm a panic, but that's not where you are tonight. You're the coolest cat on the planet. Nice win this week!
Bartender Dan
June 5, 2015 (Top of Page)
It's a rat race out there. You were entered in, but it wasn't your choice and you probably won't win. Finish lines are all over the place. You may have won and didn't even know it, just kept moving. One thing's for certain: you don't choose to lose; that's for losers. At least at the bar you can choose to win. The Belmont you're nursing is a tasty raspberry cream. There's a sharp edge to it. The gin leaves the gate first and sets a burning pace, then sweet berry cream runs a very close second, smoothing the wake in flashy pink silks. Overall, the gin triumphs in juniper blue. A fine win! The Happy Apple is good for a victory celebration. It's easy apples, crisp, cold, and orchard-tasty. The cider pulls away as you swallow, letting you admire its expert blend of sweetness and tartness. The rum seems to have more friction over the tongue and slows down to show its dry, golden roughness. The sensory split is useful: there's no way to forget you're drinking the hard stuff. You can stay happy and not get fooled, not like that sloppy loser who ends up on the floor hugging his stool. That's not you, champ!
Bartender Dan
P.S. We're closed next week for a small vacation. See you on the 19th!
May 29, 2015 (Top of Page)
Wheelin' and dealin', makin' plans, all with a cocktail firmly in hand. Nobody may remember a thing, it all depends on the strength of the drink. The Bermuda Bouquet could be one of those memory erasers. It leaves the shaker full of fun and flavor. Once you get through the orange mist, all the flavors are there to sip. The apricot brandy peaks through followed by many fruity friends. The gin adds a hard refreshment, but the overall taste is natural and sweet. If things get hot, this highball brings the super-cool response. It doesn't last because people tend to drink it too fast. Before you know it, the glass is empty. Some think it mysteriously disappears. Yum! One way to keep your senses sharp is by employing a caffeine smash. The Jamaica Hop is like coffee ice cream melted in your glass. The morning flavor wakes you up, but it will eventually put you to bed after softening up your head. It's a comfort cocktail that's creamy and smooth and in the groove until the last dregs. Now, what exactly was that deal you made? Did anybody take notes? There's really no need to worry, though, the bartender always knows the score.
Bartender Dan
May 22, 2015 (Top of Page)
One boozer asked another, "What's goin' down?" The other replied, "Oh, not too much, it's been a snoozer up until now." They were both watching the bartender finish the pour on their libation, the Québec Cocktail. The first taste chased away any mediocrity, it was first rate, smooth and unique. The fine maraschino and bitter liqueurs combined perfectly and came out earthy and semi-sweet. The Canadian whisky was all dressed up as a result and the extra dry vermouth kept things light and free. It felt like something you might find served at a fancy steak house. A well-marbled, sizzling hot rib eye would be fantastic with this drink. A cocktail inspires an entrée? Special! Things got even better when the Japalac Cocktail was served in reserve. Freshly squeezed Valencia orange juice made the first impression, followed by a wonderful rye accent that couldn't be better. The raspberry syrup softened the whiskey, taking the sharpness down to match the milder juice. The vermouth spiced things up to keep the taste bright and just a little edgy; the orange twist helped too. The cocktail was a treat, a real pleaser that could make anybody's average day end with a flourish. Hey, thanks bartender!
Bartender Dan
May 15, 2015 (Top of Page)
After a day of traipsing around, it sure is nice to settle down on a cushy bar stool here at Ralph's Bar. A fine cocktail or two is just what you need to get back in the swing. Good booze mends the mood! And with Frank singing hits from his Reprise years, you can't go wrong. The bartender sends you something, From The Rafters, and it tastes really good. Its nutty aroma is reminiscent of what you'd get after opening a box of chocolate-covered hazelnut clusters. It feels like a gift. The brandy is warm like a blanket, the Frangelico contribution is just enough, and the orange liqueur lingers as the pineapple juice brings some mellowness and flavored froth. It's a golden cloud of soft flavors. The cherry slices are a good show, but they stick in the bottom of the bowl; nobody minds fishing them out with a finger. A tasty find! The Delft Donkey ices up next to brighten the scene. It's a really fine ginger and lemon cooler. The gin adds a thin heft and the balance is superb with a 50% ginger beer top-up. This one is a beauty. It would go great with Thai food. It's refreshing down to the empty, icy bottom of the glass. We have a clear winner! Then again, it's hard to lose when you're drinking at Ralph's Bar.
Bartender Dan
May 8, 2015 (Top of Page)
If the so-called good life comes down around you like a ton of bricks, there's not much you can do except marvel at the rubble. Then, after thinking about it for a while, you'll probably realize the whole edifice wasn't that great after all. You'll rebuild, it'll be something better, but first you'll have to drown your sorrows in a bucket of booze. Plop down on a comfortable bar stool at the local joint and order a Fighting Bob for starters. Initially it goes down like water, then ping, bang, BOOM! You've got cherry with punchy Chartreuse and gin all fighting to get in on the action. There's some bitterness and sharp citrus too, but it's all one brew. If you're just sitting down looking to get started on forgetting a few problems, this highball's the one for you, buddy. Down the hatch! Try a Moldau next if you need to be knocked around some more. It's kind of nasty and wild. The plum brandy wants to be smooth, but its gin big brother is in a foul mood. The juices try to be calming, but a tartness abounds in the overall mix. This cocktail is hard to tame, but that's what you need: a little tough love. You're here to booze and forget about the past, pal, and this dive delivers the goods. The future can start tomorrow.
Bartender Dan
May 1, 2015 (Top of Page)
The bar is home. All week you roam, but when Friday wraps, the bar is home. It feels great to settle in. You and your pals drinking is a total win. This week the Bittersweet Cocktail slid across the tiles. It was rich and flavorful like a bold sherry and smooth too, icily refreshing. The barkeep went with a bitter sweet vermouth to highlight the cocktail's name, scoring extra points with the clientele. The flavors were deep with lots to look for and explore. The orange twist imparted a lasting scent of freshness throughout, bolstered by its named bitters. The drink was so richly red it almost turned brown and the root-beery foam on top popped its bubbles, adding delight. It was a nice way to start the night. The Carrol Cocktail followed and it was all about the brandy handling a minor vermouth complication. It was warm and buttery smooth with a fine herbal hint at the core. There was more: a promising cherry steeping in the depths to let you know how good things would end. This stirred slow roller was a perfect cocktail for facilitating the rest of the night.
Welcome home, good buddy!
Bartender Dan
April 24, 2015 (Top of Page)
How many blunders are out there to make? Can you avoid them or have they been permanently written on your slate? It seems that when you need something done on time, here comes the mistake: now you're late. You finish things up with a head shake ... oh, man. At least you got done. One thing that's not a mistake? Dropping by the bar to commiserate over a couple cocktails. You can order the joyous Prickly Pear Martini to erase the disgust. The sweet cactus fruitiness is hard to describe, but it brings a smile to your face. There's a small lime bite on the back end, but the vodka is very smooth. This one is easy to drink and that's what you need right now, something easy. The White Rose is another fruity one. It's pineapple-like, though not quite. It's some kind of tropical
flavor that you'd think should be found in nature. It's tasty! There's an egg white here, but it's nothing to fear; it imparts a nice silkiness and a great froth. There's no hint of liquor, it's pure, and that means it's an excellent recipe. This cocktail is a keeper. The decision to go drinking tonight was no blunder. On the contrary, it was a complete success.
Bartender Dan
April 17, 2015 (Top of Page)
It's quiet and dark, the lull time before the night's start. A stranger walks into the scene as Bobby Darin's "Charade" plays to the sparse crowd. This guy is a loner. He orders a Gin Sidecar, so he's got class. The bartender gives a wink and you slide down to join in on the drink; this guy is all right. A few moments later, you're sipping a light and lemony cocktail to aid your thirst. There's no roughness anywhere, just smooth hovering. This new guy is no mook, he has stories to tell and they go down well with the liquor. The cocktail is fine and icy, jingly and jangly, and doesn't last long. A few friends hit the bar and join in on the fun. The bartender spreads highballs all around: Apple Fizz. The drink gets built in the glass over ice, then bubbled up for a final stir. The last swish sometimes takes away too much fizz, but that's life. The flavor is high-quality apple, but there's something substantial in there that numbs everything from the thumbs to the noggin. It lasts long so you can park for a while. Bobby's singing "I Got Rhythm" and the place picks up; the joint is like a beating heart. You've got a new friend and even the bartender joins in on the fellowship. Here's hoping this new guy comes around again.
Bartender Dan
April 10, 2015 (Top of Page)
The bar is open! The regulars piled in with steely eyes and wide grins because it's drinking time again. Always timely, the bartender teed up a Golf Cocktail for the group. The drink is a driver, strong with a thwack! The taste is rough and bitter. It plays through with a piney scent, reminiscent of a walk through the woods searching for an errant ball off the tee. Slice! You won't be seeing the Golden Bear in there, though, he's on the fairway. This cocktail is pretty raw, but a consummate pro relishes the challenge and masters it. The Honey Bee kept everyone busy on the proverbial back nine. It tastes good, but the strong rum scent blurs into the natural honey waft, making it smell like some kind of industrial glue. You get used to it. The overall taste is sweet and there's no way to get stung. The flavor is happy. It's like you're strolling on the green
by blooming flowers with buzzing bees while birds chirp up in the trees. Fresh and fine! The boozers sure were glad to be back, and they always play the 19th hole like champs!
Bartender Dan
March 27, 2015 (Top of Page) 
A wall of boozers hit the bar; they were bringing a clamor. Only an impressive first round could tamp it down. The Golden Dawn rose to the occasion with some effort. The bartender substituted American applejack for the French brandy and plucked the cherry off the stem. The grenadine was added down the center post-pour, allowing it to settle in a haze around the red sun. Looks are good, but what dawned on the boozers was the taste. It had a soft flavor, fuzzily fruity and warm, like a liquid cashmere sweater for the gulper. Satiation! The mildly dense concoction was something to discuss, but it didn't last long, because it was gone in short order. The Whiskey Sling came to the rescue, clear as a bell and ringing. The sugar was dissolved in the water and juice at the bottom of a mixing glass, then the whiskey was added, followed by a nice stir with no ice. The result was poured into an ice-filled rocks glass, garnished with a healthy orange twist, and that was it. The whiskey was smooth and mellow and the sweet lemon cut through without bitterness or shock. It was as clean and refreshing as a sunshiny, happy scene. Bottoms up, Jack!
Bartender Dan
P.S. We'll be closed for the Easter break. See you in a couple weeks!
March 20, 2015 (Top of Page)
You didn't walk in the glow of street lamps to the bar's door. It's the first day of spring; the sun hangs around a little longer. It might not be bringing the best of weather just yet, but the day is a sign of hope, definitely worth a celebratory drink or two. You belly up and say "Hi" to friends. The barkeep shakes a Kyoto Cocktail and crafts the pour. It's fresh, like green shoots in a garden. It tastes like honeydew melon with high spirits, smooth, with a bit of heat. They must've grown it under the hot lights behind the bar, where the bottles are, and really nurtured it. Nice! You look out the window and notice it's pitch black as the bartender stirs your Monte Carlo. The mood changes as you sample the sophisticated beauty. Herbal liqueur sweetness and specialized bitters play with the crispy rye to perfection. It has a honed fineness, cold and piercing. You feel like you should be dressed to the nines, drinking at the main baccarat table in a high stakes Monaco casino. You're confident, feeling fine as you hold the bank. Your nemesis goes bank against you and sums seven. Your first two cards show three, so you accept another: diamond six. Banco! You take a sip of your rye cocktail and sternly smile. Debonair!
Bartender Dan
March 13, 2015 (Top of Page)
Time to drink! Friday night, it's a friendly night, though you might have to fight for your seat. You see a bar full of accomplished boozers, not a loser in the bunch. The glassware is sparkling clean, the shakers gleam, and fresh liquor bottles are set to pour. What's more, Frank Sinatra is on the jukebox and swingin'. The Amer Picon Cocktail greets you with a lime shock. Monsieur Picon's original high-proof bitters aren't made anymore, so a substitute was found. The bitterness gets quashed by the brightness of the fresh juice, but it works to form some deep, complex fruity flavors. When you swirl it around over your tongue, it mellows down. You can get more out of it that way. It's pretty good with guacamole too. Speaking of green, the Grasshopper serves up to get an early start on St. Patrick's Day. Created during Prohibition, it's one of the most famous New Orleans cocktails. It's gorgeous, smooth and calm with just the right amount of mint, cocoa, and milky dilution. It's right in every way, a perfect drink to end an entertaining night. Beautiful!
Bartender Dan
March 6, 2015 (Top of Page)
You're feeling all-important sitting in that chair and everyone's glad you're there. Why? Because you're buying the next round! You hit the jackpot, so you took your bankroll to town, and now it's time to spread some coin around. The first cocktail doled out is the El Presidente. It tastes important. Everybody nods in appreciation, but it's not just because of your station. The drink is a classic. The rum is dry and hard, but the orange liquor is slicker to bring a welcome smoothness. After the touch of pomegranate and a thin orange twist, you've got yourself a hit. It makes you want to light up a fat stogy and just revel for a bit. Everyone maturely sips. Your benevolence knows no bounds and you buy the Coronado for a second round. The large dose of pineapple juice is sweet, but the matched gin volume is a powerful force. The fruit liquors give the juice a strange, but tasty slant. The mix almost takes on a milky texture as you cut through the froth, searching for the cherry. It's a sleeper, but a keeper. Your admiring crowd applauds.
It's good to be king, at least for one night.
Bartender Dan
February 27, 2015 (Top of Page)
After a failure, whether perceived or not, you need to come back strong. Leave no doubts when dealing with right and wrong. Choose excellence! The same story goes down behind the bar: order something good and show'em who you are. Have a Lucien Gaudin Cocktail as an opener next time you're out and about. The superb construction stirs into a beautiful flow of dry gin and Cointreau. Fine orange zestfulness easily floats over an imaginary bitter red peel. The name honors a golden 1920s French fencing champion. He must've been classy and fast with the foil, sporting a super-smooth cool demeanor. He also probably had a rapier wit because this cocktail is it. Touché! Continue the excellence theme by ordering the Vieux Carré Cocktail as an encore. Its name is another way to refer to the French Quarter of New Orleans. It has a multitude of ingredients that balance quite well, as if conjured by a crafty Cajun chef. It's a lively street parade of flavors: grains, grapes, herbs, sweetness, and doubled bitters, perfumed by
a garnished citrus twist. It's surprisingly light with an easygoing roll. Some expertly-fried spicy calamari would probably go well with this beauty. There'd be absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Bartender Dan
February 20, 2015 (Top of Page)
They were packed like sardines in the bar tonight. A new regular who appeared two weeks ago doesn't seem to be going away. It's standing room only nowadays if a prodigal boozer drops by to belly up. The drinks still flow, though, and good fellowship grows in tight elbow room situations. At least at Ralph's Bar it does! They decided to try old cocktails that almost nobody knows on a lark tonight. The first one was the Phyllis Cocktail. It was solid and packed with flavor. The maraschino came through strongest, followed by orange and brandy. The lemon juice didn't seem to be a factor; the liquors overpowered it with a light and clingy oily texture. Phyllis must've been looking to get plastered, because this drink really brought the goods. The next forgotten oldie was the Destiny Cocktail. This one should stay forgotten; it was like a sledgehammer. The bartender shook it a long time, trying to add some friendly dilution, but to no use. The absinthe was way up front and the rest just added oomph to its wicked anise punch. This one's a headache in a glass. Some cocktails are lost for good reason. The regulars mastered it with aplomb, though. They sure know how to make the best of the booze!
Bartender Dan
February 13, 2015 (Top of Page)
Freshly seated in the bar, you happily look around and think, "What to drink?" Notes are tumbling down a keyboard, it's a jazz scene. The room is so cool you can hear the ice clink. A fellow down the bar is dressed in dapper clothes. He looks like he figured something out; a bar stool genius, no doubt. You ask the barkeep, "What's he having?" He tracks your line of sight and the answer fires back, "Brainstorm." You throw out a couple sawbucks, "I'll have one of those." He stirs one up in no time. After garnishing the twist, it's all yours. Crisp, straight rye slices through the Bénédictine's sweet-wall of fine flavors. That dry vermouth is doing something covert; it obviously works. The whole cocktail flows smoothly as one and the orange spray on top tickles the nose just right. It's good, really good. You take a shine to this liqueur-fueled cocktail mood, so the bartender queues up the Bonnie Prince Charles. It comes at you smelling great and tasting the same, like some rare tropical fruit only a hip swingin' bar knows how to harvest. A vigorous shake suspends tiny bubbles that pop with aromatic joy and flavor; this one is special. If you ask "What to drink?" in a jazzy joint on Friday night, you'll probably like the answer.
Bartender Dan
February 6, 2015 (Top of Page)
You head to the bar wearing a coat, thinking it's well past time for winter to go. All you've been doing is freezing your bottom off and shoveling snow. When will spring get sprung? An early arrival sure would be nice. You settle into a bar stool and watch your Italian Stallion get stirred up. After a spritz, they float the twist for presentation. The first hit wakes you up a bit. Bitterness leads the charge and the high-proof bourbon is strong and smooth; it warms you up. There's some sour cherry lurking in the depths of that complex herbal mix. After a few sips, you realize it could put you to sleep in a jiff if you don't eat some cheese and crackers. This one has sharp teeth, but it's a darned good cocktail. You start thinking about spring after absorbing the heat and order a Pompano to facilitate a pleasant dream: the weather's fine, you're standing in the sunshine, and life is good! The cocktail is very light and easy to mistake for a non-alcoholic drink. It's a fresh-squeezed delight. The taste is almost like watermelon juice. It makes you think spring is near, but you can't be on the beach just yet, everybody's still up in the mountains skiing. At least the calendar is headed in the right direction. Cheers to that!
Bartender Dan
January 30, 2015 (Top of Page)
You thought you couldn't make it, so you started to get down. How could there not be fabulous Friday night drinking out on the town? Luckily, things turned around. With any prior commitments now freed up, it was high time to make the scene. When you pushed the bar door open, big band jazz flooded out. Trumpets, trombones, and saxophones were cool-blaring a big beat. The guitar, bass, and drums were locked in tight with the man swingin' on the keys: it was Mr. Gene Harris! You grabbed a bar stool and summoned a White Witch. It tasted as good as the music. It came in like grapefruit soda with the tiny bubbles, but then the cocoa flavor hit mute, making things strange for a bit. It worked and was a real satisfier. The bartender sliced a tangelo to accentuate the grapefruit vibe. Nice touch! You were open for suggestions after that, so he recommended a few shots of Papa G. The band roared as a line of three poured. The mix was just a light shake over ice for minimal dilution. It was sweet and fantastic! The sprinkled dash of lemon and drop of bitters really added life to the fine amaretto. They were too good to just throw back, then you realized it: Papa G, Gene Harris! It was a great night, and you almost missed it.
Bartender Dan
January 23, 2015 (Top of Page)
Come on in! There's something special waiting for you within. The bar is open and the drinks are flowing steadily. The service is well-honed, everything is polished. Only premium liquor is dispensed here, so never fear, my friend. If you don't feel special now, you will by night's end. So belly up, good buddy! How about a Royal Cocktail? Look here: the liquor goes in, then the ice, then we stir to keep it clear. How about Tony Bennett singing for us tonight? Man, it doesn't get any better! Take a sip, it's top-shelf and easygoing, deep and fruity. The taste is rich, really close to the cherry pit. Some people say it has a raisin taste too. These all-liquor drinks can take you to the brink, so take it easy and enjoy. It's smooth, isn't it? Well, that's the end of Tony's first set. How about a Waldorf Cocktail next? It's not for everybody, but you seem to have the right stuff. Let's stir it up. It's a bit of a punisher, full of anise and rough, but there's a lot of flavor underneath. The bourbon makes you want to gamble, take a chance. Depending how you drink it down, you could almost drown. Pretty stout, huh? Look, Tony's hittin' the stage again. Thanks pal, enjoy the show. Come in again, we'll see you when!
Bartender Dan
January 16, 2015 (Top of Page)
Settle in and feel the pressure subside. Time is finally on your side once you establish the belly-up. Check the surface of the bar ... clean and smooth. Look around: only happy faces in the crowd. Here comes the first drink, the Chelsea Sidecar. Yep, it's a good one. It's crisp and makes you want to hop. There's a noticeable tension between the gin and juice; the triple sec grabs the two and holds them together so they play nice. There's some bite outside that slippery orange center, but it turns out alright. You can dig it. A good way to end the night would be to go out in comfort. The Peaches And Cream serves like it came from your mother's hands. It tastes like its name. You can almost see yourself handling a spoon, carving a ripe peach slice bathing in a bowl of rich, bubbly cream. Farm fresh! This one's pillow-soft; it's going to give you sweet dreams once you get home. Come to think of it, your head's swimming a bit; it's about time to roll on out of here. What's waiting for you now is a fresh pillow on a warm bed. No pressure there.
Bartender Dan
January 9, 2015 (Top of Page)
The boozers frequent this little joint because they don't need to try and make a point. Trendy nightclubs aren't for them; no wasting money trying to pretend you're somebody. They want bang for the buck; they want the good stuff: world-class cocktails. Often it's the hole in the wall where your best drinking gets done, not in some meat market full of fools slinging back shots. Right here is the spot: Ralph's Bar. Tonight they featured the Martinez Cocktail, one of the granddaddy cocktails of old. This pre-Martini 19th century wonder uses Old Tom gin in a minor role to sweet vermouth. A tasty spike of bitters and maraschino liqueur enhance the show and the twist really fits. It's soothingly smooth and perfectly sweet, complex, cold and clean. What a drink! It's no wonder boozers enjoyed this cocktail way back when, it's excellent. They followed up fineness with the Black Feather, a steady burner. Heat from the brandy and dry vermouth accept the sweetness of the Cointreau, but don't give way, and the bitters stay in the corners. The oil expressed from the healthy twist provides a citrus barrier for each sip. You could get into a relationship with this one; it's boozy. Man, this happy little joint really serves the drinks!
Bartender Dan
January 2, 2015 (Top of Page) 
The road is laid out before you, it always is. You decide how far to travel to where the truth is hid. Many stops come along the way, some on asphalt, others are just mental waves. Such is life. One thing's for certain: you'll need time to contemplate your next move, not just an empty resolution, but something you really need to do. What is it? And now, here you sit, with a Blood And Sand in your hand, poured fresh from the shaker where the bartender made her. He shook that thing hard; it tastes fantastic! The flavors dance with rich cherries and scotch made friendly by rouge vermouth and freshly-squeezed juice. You stopped by the right bar tonight, because they use blood oranges to add a very special flare to this cocktail's mix. What a beauty! This drink just might be perfect. The Mark Twain Cocktail writes the epilogue for the night. It's another scotch concoction that's super-tasty. The scotch is sweet, soft, and smooth with just a bit of citrus bite and bitter interest in the mild smoke. You spear a couple of pickled mushrooms on the side and smack your lips. Man, this is it! If only your year could flow as good as these cocktails. You still haven't decided what you need to do, but it'll come to you. You'll figure it out.
Bartender Dan